I often have so many thoughts swirling around in my brain that when I think of doing a blog post, I don't know what to share and what not to share. I am realizing that a blog can only be "real" to a point, and then it would not be in the best interest of the family or the friend, to share the full truth. This is somewhat hard for me, because I really like to portray who I truly am. I want to be understood. So part of the reason I have cut back blogging, other than time, is because I am having a hard time finding that balance, between being "real" and protecting those I love. "Some things are best kept between your family, not everything needs to be on a public forum," as my husband would say.
I often hear my friends say, "I just can't read blogs, because I get tired of reading about everyone's perfect lives.' I feel the same way about some blogs, but, I am realizing...this is just the nature of blogs. You want to blog about things you are excited about or feel passion for...which leds to only portraying the best things...such as a perfectly redone house, or a cute new outfit, a child that professed his faith in Jesus at age 3, the special bond a child is forming with their adopted parent, or how Great God is. The things that don't get talked about on blogs are....marriage trouble, how I am failing to be the parent God has called me to be, how my child has a very sinful heart, how that person in my family makes me crazy, or being a christian is freak-en hard most of the time. We all have struggles in our lives, but often blogs only portray the wonderful things, which can seem fake to a reader or the reader might feel he or she cannot measure up.
Do you guys feel this way when you write a post or read one on a particular blog? And facebook can be the worst. I am sure we can all relate.
I am not sure where I am going with this, but I just wanted to write something on my heart that was "real" to who I am.
My husband and I have been talking about this a lot, for different reasons, but it's a hot topic around here. I think the place to start is to ask yourself, "Why are you blogging? Who is your audience?"
ReplyDeleteFor me, I'm definitely a "memoir-ist" in terms of how I write. I tell our stories. I've always said I was writing for my children, but in recent months, I've clarified that to mean, "I'm writing down the things I think my kids will want to know when they're 30."
I'm telling the truth, the important stuff, but not everything. Because they probably don't need to know EVERYTHING. But they will want the highlights. And they will want to know how Mama and Daddy felt about it at the time.
And we all know I won't remember by then.
Knowing who my audience is helps me decide what to say and what not to.
And in the end, if others who are reading don't relate or understand, it doesn't matter. Doesn't mean you don't consider them (because people can be unkind), but always put your Primary Audience first.
What I'm trying to say is, yea, I get it. :-)
I totally agree with you and Lora. It is hard to be real and I know that I have always tried to be real on my blog and it has got me into trouble! I agree that the readers and readers in the future do not need to know everything. I hold back a lot from sharing certain things but when I am struggling, I want to write that I am and not pretend otherwise. Sometimes it is best to share after you struggled and come through the storm but I always find myself in a storm much longer than I want to be and end up sharing while in its midst!
ReplyDeleteThat is why I love your blog Melissa... YOU ARE REAL!!!
i totally get what you are saying and totally agree! that is why my posts have been non-existent. i just don't know what to say right now.
ReplyDeleteSO...i have decided to pick it back up and document our lives. it does not matter to me what people think anymore. my blog is a little love letter to my family...so, i will just document for them. those who want to read along can :)
yes. totally & totally yes.
ReplyDeleteI'm with ya, sister. I started to succomb to "the blog and FB world" a while back. It was ugliness in my heart. I left both Ug adoption groups on FB and took off the "follower" tag on my blog. It's for me and my family and anyone else who it might minister to. I do print it out annually because it becomes our family album -- even the hard stuff. So, I support you to blog whatever the heck you want! (And most likely, I'll agree!!)
ReplyDeleteI have always loved and appreciated your realness. Thanks for such an honest post.
ReplyDeleteI randomly had this thought yesterday: what if we all blogged about our biggest faults? Mine, for example, is a tendency toward laziness. I'd rather spend my kids' naptime lounging around than being productive.
ReplyDeleteI agree that there is a definite, fine line between "real" and oversharing.
I think the most important thing is for my blog or Facebook to never inflate ME. I never want to discourage anyone by painting an unrealistic picture of my life.
I have a funny story. I have this real life friend who is so over the top on facebook. Her statuses are always things like, "Suzy is snuggling with her kids and feeling so blessed!" or "Suzy is taking her kids for a bike ride and picnic lunch." It's a bit annoying, to be honest. Well, I happened to be at her house for a playdate one day and not five minutes went by without her hollering at her kids! It kind of made me chuckle, to realize that she was a "yelling mom" in real life!
I also wanted to chime in and say that you are not alone.
ReplyDeleteThe purpose of my blog is to save it as a journal for my children (because who has time to scrapbook?!), so I tend to just include the fun, happy, or life changing moments in there. I dream of journaling the sad, frustrating feelings that I've had over the last year (since our adopted sons came home), but I don't think those are best for everyone else to know, or for my kids to know when they are grown...I can hear them now..."wow, mom really didn't like us for the first few years!" LOL
Anyway, my input is decide who the blog is for, and then write accordingly. I'm thinking of starting a private blog just for my other journaling...and maybe letting my prayer partner read it!
Girl, I love your blog! Keep it up, and I love that you keep it real! I always pray that God will show me if He ever wants me to stop blogging. I'll shut it down if He ever tells me to. But I have loved journaling through our adoption journey, "scrapbooking" our family events, and meeting some new friends along the way!
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ReplyDeletelove this post melissa! Ive felt that way too before when looking at certain blogs. I think right now i'm blogging, because it's healing for me through my grief. I plan to also print out into a book the adoption part of my blog for Isaac and us one day but specifically right now, Im blogging through my grief and healing through losing Annabelle. I try to leave the worst parts out where people would think im crazy if theyve never lost a child and I also try through my blogging to keep it real though and not too overly happy...haha ;0)
ReplyDeleteHere are my thoughts....your blog can be whatever you want it to be. I know someone who just posts her menu for the week :) Others that make it more like a journal. I'm sure your thoughts, good and ugly, would be a blessing to others.
ReplyDeleteThis post is exactly why I love you Melissa! You are so REAL and do not try to create an image that you live in "fairy tale land" as so many blogs do!
ReplyDeleteI think being real is so very important, but I agree that it is really hard to try not to appear perfect but not to share too much... thanks for bringing this up, I think this is a big issue in "blogland" (: