adoption is REDEEMPTION, one day at a time...

Talk about being REAL. This post from, The Orphans Table, knocked my socks off!! Adoption is one of those topics that usually only gets PRAISE in the blog world, which is rightly so...but people forget to talk about all aspects of adoption and what it is truly like. I think people feel ashamed and guilty so they hide their true feelings. Maybe people think, "I am not a good christian if I feel this way about my adopted child, so I am definitely not going to blog about it."  But, the truth is, adoption is hard, it is usually not romantic and it does not come natural.

My husband and I have realized adoption is not the way God designed families to be. His design from the beginning of time was for a mommy and daddy to have children and always love them and never leave them or forsake them. But, because we live in a broken, sinful and fallen world... the reality is different. BUT, He has chosen adoption as a way to REDEEM the brokenness.  Just as he has sent his son to die on the cross and rise again on the third day...he has given us adoption to heal the broken hearts of these forgotten children. Was it easy for Christ to die on the cross? No. It was suffering. Just like adopting a child is often suffering on one side of the bonding or the other. But, through this suffering, Christ rose again and made a way for us to live an eternal life. Not only do we get to live eternity in heaven, but right now on earth we are covered with Christ's righteousness. When God looks down from heaven and sees one of his children, he sees Christ, not us. Once we are in Christ, we are becoming a new creation...he is redeeming us and stripping away our nasty sin. (thank God!) The process of sanctification is hard and painful...but through this process we are being made new. We are seeing more of our sin and ugliness...but seeing God's FORGIVENESS, MERCY, and GRACE all the more. In the same way, once you adopt a child, the process of bonding, attachment, and healing is very hard, painful and often miserable. But, in the process, God is making the adopted child new and whole, as well as the parents, but in a whole different way. God is not interested in making us HAPPY, his in the business of making us HOLY. Which is Oh, so painful, but it reaps a harvest of goodness!

About a month after I came home from Uganda, I posted about this same thing HERE, but it was coming from a very shocked, shameful, frustrated, and exhausted place...with a little bit of HOPE. But, now...I see God is exposing my sin for what it truly is...Adoption is not hard because of something the child is doing...but because I am realizing how incapable I am of loving this child in my own strength. I am a nasty , ugly sinner in need of Jesus' saving grace. So everyday, I ask God to fill me with his love, so I may overflow to love my children in the way he has called me to. I often fail every single day, or more. It is a constant reliance on my savior to love our adopted child. But, Praise Be to God for showing me LOVE does not come as natural as I thought it did. I definitely took pride in my ability to love my children. I thought it was just something I was good at and others were not. Pretty funny... right! The minute we think we have made it, is the minute he humbles us and brings us to our knees. So instead of thinking this is something I should not share in the blog world because I am such a horrible person, in actuality, we should not be shocked by the sin of another person. We should be shocked at the good in another person, and praise our father when the good does come out! Because it is not from us, it is only from him. LESS of ME, means MORE of HIM!

And another perspective is, what about the adopted child? Will you want him or her to read this when they are older? That would be horrible for them to know that you had a hard time loving them. I agree, this could be hard, but if you teach your children that true love comes only from the father, then it should come at no surprise to your child that things were hard the first couple of years or more. It is often hard to love biological children too, for me it has definitely been different kind of hard, but it comes from the same ugly place...SIN. It is just important for the child to know, it was not their fault, it was all about You and your struggle with the sin that wages war on your soul. I have only been home with Charles Tucker, my almost three year old for six months, so I am very very new at parenting him, but God has definitely taught me so much about myself and his amazing grace and love for me despite my ugliness. I feel encouraged and very HOPEFUL for what God is doing in our family with precious Tuck-Tuck. He is definitely supplying the love I need more and more everyday and he is bringing us all new life in the process. I am excited to see what another year brings for all of our HEALING.

Wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death? Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord! Romans 7:24-25a

Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us. Romans 5:3-5

(I did not know where I was going with this post, but it has turned out to be kind of long. Through the inspiration of the post on The Orphans Table, I was able to write this post. Thank you for giving me the courage to step out and write this. It was neat to see God give me insight into my sin with this topic.)

Just now the first day of summer?

Six Seeds informed me that today marks the first official day of summer and the longest day of the year, also referred to as Summer Solstice. Feels like it has been summer since April, considering the sweltering heat of Georgia.
Today we ventured to our newest fun spot in Atlanta, the Piedmont Park splash pad. We just discovered it a couple of months ago, when the babies and I were running around wasting time while Henry was in preschool. It is a new area just past the dog park. My kids love these fountains and it is a lot easier for mommy, than being at the pool, worrying about someone drowning. I failed to take pictures today because I was enjoying some much needed talking time with other mommies, but here are some from a couple of weeks ago.


Mary Taylor wasn't so sure at first about the fountains...I am learning more and more about her personality. She doesn't just dive in like Henry does, she first sits back, checks it out from a distance and then eventually tries it, I was a lot like this as a child, probably more shy than her.

Big brother Henry eventually came to her rescue and lead her into the fun..

Tuck Tuck, on the other hand, just runs as fast as he can to keep up with Henry...Whatever Henry does, there you will find Charles Tucker right behind him....

TuckTuck loves the "mountains", as he calls the fountains... It is amazing how well he communicates after six months of hearing English, he really can say anyword, and understands 85% of what we say. At this age they are like sponges...

He is all about the action, just like his brother...

Notice he is wearing his brother's swim suit, poor guy doesn't have any clothes monogramed with his initials...I guess I need to work on that...

One of my favorite phrases he says on a regular basis is, " I doing Mommy"? In his cute little voice, he is asking "what are you doing, Mommy?"

I have really been proud of Henry lately. Of course he still has his moments, but he has really taken an interest in really loving his brother and sister and trying to play nicely with them. In our house, we call it 'promoting peace,' which I got from my new favorite book, "Don't make me Count to three." by Ginger Plowman. I can really see that God is changing his heart and helping him to see his own sin. He seems to get frustrated that he cannot control the sin that wages war on his soul. One day I caught him holding my bible and trying to read it on the coach. I asked him what he was doing and he said, "Mom, I am trying to figure out how to love my friend Bob(substitute name)." I often say this to him when I need to be alone, to recharge my love tank for the rest of the day to be able to love him and his brother and his sister. So cool to see God working in him. I love this child...

It warms my heart to see him love his brother and sister...Thank you God for little miracles...

And Mary Taylor on the other hand is a hamm, but whooo does she need some work in the disciplining department. We have definitley slacked with her, because the behaviors often seem funny and cute...but now we are paying for it. She definitely has a defiant spirit that needs to be rained in. Don't get me wrong, she is my joy and my kindred spirit, but it is time to crack down on her a little bit more. I am just taking it, one day at a time...

But, just look at this little princess pea...

just yummy....

As for Charles Tucker, he is very much still dealing with attachment issues and resorts back to orphan tendancies often. But, that being said, he is doing quite well. He is a lot of fun and just jumps in the craziness of our family like he has always been apart. He and Mary Taylor are best friends, they do everything together and he really looks up to Henry and wants to be just like him. Can't wait to see what six more months of healing looks like for our sweet boy! Like I have said before, adoption is beautiful, because it is redemption, restoration, and new life.

 These fountains are pretty much the greatest invention for my age kiddos, so glad we found this treasure! As you can see I am trying to get into this bloggy thing again. We will see how it goes. Four more days and it is the anniversary of when we got our referral of Charles Tucker. Look for a post celebrating that special day one year ago, which seems like yesterday.

Happy Tuesday night!!

Follow up from yesterday...

(This is a follow up post from yesterday, you can go to it HERE.)

Some people say that I had these emotions because I was not prepared, that I did not do my research on attachement and bonding. Well, I actually did read a couple of books that definitley helped me know what to expect, Parenting Your Internationally Adopted Child and Toddler Adoption: The Weavers Craft. Neither one of these books talked about the parent to child bond would be hard. They both talked about how the child to parent bond is the big issue, RAD, (Reactive Attatchment Disorder).  Maybe I overlooked a chapter, that I should have read, but I don't know. I was not surprised by his actions, I expected this, but these authors did not talk about how "I" as the parent might feel toward the child. I think I could have read every single book on attachment and bonding and still felt overwhelmed by these feelings I was experiencing. An attachment book is not going to make me LOVE, truly LOVE.  I believe this kind of love only comes from Jesus Christ. The only book that will teach me to truly love is the Bible and this is where I want to do most of my research, this is where I soak in the most wisdom on parenting my children, even adopted ones. I have to trust that God will give me discerment on how to raise my children. I do not claim to be an expert... I am just a mom, trusting Jesus to help me get through life, because I am a distaster otherwise. But, my prayer for this blog is for God to use my feable attempts at writing our journey to bring him glory.