My baby is going to....

...Kindergarten tomorrow!! I am excited, nervous, and....sad. It is hard to believe he is old enough to go to school, or almost old enough. He actually turns 5 on August 19th, so he barely made the cut off. But, we are going to give it a try and see how the year goes, then decide what we should do the next year. Dee and I both have early/late birthdays, in August and September, so we were old in school. So that might be the best direction to go with Henry too, especially since he is a boy. So this year will be interesting, to say the least! Hopefully he will make it through without driving the teacher crazy, considering he is a pretty intense little kid, but a whole lot of fun!!
Seems like yesterday when he was this big....

Dressed up as a train conductor for Halloween, just precious!

Yes, he had a paci until he was two half, Mary Taylor is work'n on three right now...

So now begins a new chapter in Henry's life and mine too.

Twas the night before Kindergarten...

We had fun reading this thrift store find tonight. Perfect to read before his first day of school.

Stay tuned for first day of kindergarten pictures tomorrow.... if I am not too tired!

Black Baby White Hands

 
One great thing about vacation with lots of family who will entertain your kids is-time to yourself...to read. I just finished the book, Black Baby White Hands, by Jaiya John. It is a must read for all transracially adopted families, especially those white families who are adopting or who have adopted black children. This is an autobiography of Jaiya John's journey of being raised in a white family. He was the first adopted black child in New Mexico back in 1968. He was raised in a loving white family who failed to address his need to be understood and accepted for his blackness. They were more or less, "colorblind," which most of us white folks tend to be.

 'Colorblind' people related to Greg and me through a denial of our essence. They sincerely believed they were treating us with high morality, but as they ignored something so central to our identity, so critical to our place in the world, and such a salient aspect of our connection with our heritage, they somehow diminished us, in their minds and in ours. The enduring invisibility plunged my esteem into negativity and eroded what confidence I could muster.

So much of what was happening was motivated by people's desire to make us feel accepted, loved, embraced. Family, friends, and teachers-they all must have intuited on some level that we may have been experiencing a kind of isolation. But they tried too hard. They ignored our race so vigorously that they succeeded only in making it a grand spectacle and a poorly attended reality. (pg.138)

We (white people) naively ignore the struggle that black people experienced in slavery, segregation, and what they experience in everyday life. We say, "It was so long ago...Things are different now...Why don't they just get over it." We have no idea how this perspective influences and often offends black people. We are not being sensitive to understand what they might be feeling and experiencing. Black people live in a "white world." We don't even think to empathize with this struggle, because we have the "white privilege" of never experiencing being pulled over by a policeman in a rural town because of our skin color or considering what neighborhood to buy a house in, in fear that people will think we might bring the cost of the neighborhood down. We never have to explain to our daughters why all the most desired beauty queens look nothing like them. Our society deems "white" as best. What a hard world for a black child to live in...more. than. we. know.

In reading this book I have learned it is highly important to expose your adopted black child to other families and people who look like him. Not only expose them, but live in and be involved in an area of town where there are black families that can invest in your child's life. We are blessed to be on this adoptive journey with many other white families who are adopting black children. Our children will be able to grow up with families who look like ours. We also live in the city of Atlanta with plenty of wonderful black families all around us.

It is also very important to have open communication with your adopted child about his or her race and how this is affecting him or her. A black child being raised in a white family will have many struggles to work through, but I hope we will have the wisdom and discernment that only God can provide to help him along this journey of life. I know it is not going to be easy and we will experience many hardships along the way, but hopefully we will grow closer together as a family and closer together with our savior.

We are not adopting because it is the easy road. We are adopting because God adopted us as sons and daughters in him. It was not easy for God to give up his son to die on the cross so that we might receive his righteousness. It is not easy for him to deal with our sinfulness and wayward affections toward him, but God in his mercy rescued us from ourselves and gave us life. Adoption is beautiful redemption. Our son might hate us for his adoption, but we are willing to embrace this if it happens. We go our own way most of the time even though we have a heavenly father who loves us and cares for us. I can only pray we will be a glimpse of this amazing love to Charles Tucker.

Jesus relationship with his Father

I have just begun reading A Praying Life, by Paul E. Miller. So far, it discusses why and how we should pray.

Come overwhelmed with life. Come with a wandering mind. Come messy. (pg. 33)

My mind can make me crazy sometimes. It is so easy to feel overwhelmed with cleaning, laundry, spending time with your kids, loving your husband, being a good friend.... When I actually do sit down and pray during these feelings, God meets me where I am and he grants me clarity to see the world through his eyes, instead of my own. If I would only rest in him more, then I would know what it means to be "in Christ."

Learning to pray doesn't offer you a less busy life, it offers you a less busy heart. (pg.25)

While Jesus was on earth, he was the most dependent human that ever lived. Jesus was completely and utterly dependent on his Father in heaven. He defines himself only in relationship with his Father. Since the fall, we have all been on a quest for self-identity. We are constantly trying to figure out who we are, what our needs are, how to satisfy them. Jesus has no self that is separate from God, he has no identity crisis, no conflict with good and evil. He never tried to "find himself." Jesus only knows himself in the relationship with his Father. Jesus loved to get away from the crowds and pray to the one he loved and so much needed. So, when he was on the cross, he experienced extreme agony from being separate from his Father. "Jesus anguish is our normal." (pg.45)

If you know that you, like Jesus, can't do life on your own, then prayer makes complete sense. (pg.44)

I have never thought of Jesus needing his Father that much before. I have always thought Jesus was God, so he needed nothing, because he was God. Wow, this is such a different perspective. I pray that we all know that Jesus died the worst death possible and was separated from his Father, because he took all the sins of the world upon his shoulders. He experienced HELL for us, so that we might share in his righteousness and have right relationship with God. Thank you Jesus.

I wanted to share one of my favorite songs, by Stuart Townshed, written in 1995.

"How Deep the Father's Love for Us"

How deep the Father's love for us,

How vast beyond all measure

That He should give His only Son

To make a wretch His treasure

How great the pain of searing loss,

The Father turns His face away

As wounds which mar the chosen One,

Bring many sons to glory

...

Behold the Man upon a cross,

My sin upon His shoulders

Ashamed I hear my mocking voice,

Call out among the scoffers

It was my sin that held Him there

Until it was accomplished

His dying breath has brought me life

I know that it is finished

...

I will not boast in anything

No gifts, no power, no wisdom

But I will boast in Jesus Christ

His death and resurrection

Why should I gain from His reward?

I cannot give an answer

But this I know with all my heart

His death has paid my ransom

I pray that we all understand our great need for this amazing sacrifice.

There is no me without you

I am halfway finished reading, There Is No Me Without You, which is a must read to learn about Africa, orphans, adoption and the AIDS crisis. The author, Melissa Faye Green, lives here in Atlanta with her husband and her nine children, of which four were adopted. So far this book has been an emotional, heart wrenching, true story account of this women's life. This quote was taken from this website http://www.thereisnomewithoutyou.com/

 There is No Me Without You (Bloomsbury, 2006) is the story of a middle-class Ethopian widow, who, out of the multiple tragedies in her own life, opens her door to AIDS-orphaned children and is inundated by them, beyond her capacity to care for them all.

Nothing will give you an eternal perspective like the realization of all the pain and suffering in the world. As I have read this book, I find myself praying through the horrible events in these childrens lives and crying out to God knowing he is the only one who can deliver us from all this pain and suffering around the world. It is too much to bear, a burden to heavy to carry. The only true comfort I know is Christ himself, the hope of Glory. Come Jesus Come!