Making the time pass...living in the here and now

Like I said in a post about a month ago....it really does feel like someone is missing. After seeing that video of him a couple of weeks...it was hard to do anything else but watch it a million times or search on the world wide web for pictures of him. Thankfully, I was at my parents house and I was able to be "missing in action" a little bit while my kids were cared for more than normal. I soon realized I was going to have to remove my self from the realization of having a child half way across the world and engage in motherhood again. I realized I was going to have to remove myself from thinking about him too much or the alternative was feeling sick and anxious. But, then at the same time not worrying and thinking about him, meant I did not care for him. I can see now that the Lord has given me grace in this area. He continues to say to me...trust me...relax in me...rest in me....do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, present your requests to God and the peace of God that transcends all understanding will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus. (Philippians 4:6)

God has made me the mother of two beautiful children and a wife to a husband that makes me more like Christ than I ever realized I wanted to be. He has called me to the here and now...so I rest in him until we will be united with Charles Tucker.

What else have we been doing to pass the time, while we rest in him until we are united with our precious Charles Tucker?


Watch'n daddy play softball...

Water fun with our friends Hannah and Blair...despite his daredevil tendencies, Henry is afraid of the slip'n'slide...

Henry and Hannah have a special friendship...so cute to see them together...

Baby Blair on the other hand isn't so sure what to think of her 'special' friend...

In our waiting time we also attempt to fit in some homeschool activities for the first time in a month...this was a lesson I planned in our zoo unit several months ago...

After all of our lessons, they usually end in dancing to music...which helps us all to get along...

Going to Birmingham really helped the time to pass by. Mary Taylor's favorite thing to do in Birmingham with T.T. is to find pictures of him around my parent's house and show him. Of course he eats this up!

Mary Taylor also loves attention from 'Ameme' (Amelia my sister) while we are in Birmingham...

Finally daddy gets Henry to go down the slip'n'slide, or can I say MAKES him go down the slip'n'slide, with a little help from 'Ameme'...

Playing with our special friends the Vestals... Their mommy and daddy are in South Africa right now with Campus Outreach, you can track what God is doing on their trip here.

Visiting the Young family while they are in their cocooning phase (a time to for an adopted child to learn to bond to his or her family). Batman Henry, Isaac, Laney, Mary Taylor sporting Frank's shoes, and Spider Man Parker. Little brother Frank missed all the fun while he was napping...

Andrea told everyone to lean in and of course Henry always takes everything too far...there is no middle ground...what else do you do but laugh!

I think Mary Taylor thinks Parker's pretty neat...Isaac on the other hand seems to be done with pictures...

Date night for our 7th anniversary at 10 Degrees South, a South African restaurant in town and the food was amazing!!! One of Dee's coworkers was at a table right next to us during dinner and insisted on taking our picture for our big day. One of the best pictures we have had in a while! Thanks Rita for sending it to us!

What fun times God blesses us with!!!

 ***If you have been following my blog for a while, I have talked about my father-in-law who has cancer. I talked about him here. Please continue to pray for Cleve, he is not doing well. Pray that he will know the peace of his heavenly father even more in this hard time.

(Pop and Henry~Christmas 2009)

Our 7th Marriage Anniversary

It will be ten years this Sept. 6th when Dee, also known as (Henry Cleveland DeBardeleben IV) and I met at Auburn University on a Labor Day trip to the beach. We were there with 40 other college students for the weekend, so we only saw each other in passing. I just remember thinking, 'He seems like a rough, tough and funny jock'. During the next couple of weeks he and I started running into each other at events and football games on the weekends. The more and more time we spent together, the more and more we just really connected. Then of course I made intentional appearances just to see him at people's house or events when I knew he was going to be there. At every get together we ended up in a corner of the room talking to one another. About mid fall, I decided to ask him to my sorority formal via ice cream cake, which seemed to be a commonality we had. He said, "Yes," and the rest is history!

Just kidding, I will give you more information than that! Well we pretty much started dating after the formal. After about a month...we were 'head over heals for each other'. This is definitely fitting for our personalities...very dramatic and extreme! We thought, 'we are perfect for each other'. We spent the next eight months at Auburn together until Dee left for KAA (Kids Across America), the only African American camp at Kanakuk, for three months. On the very day he returned, was the very day I jumped on a plane to do my student teaching in Christchurch, New Zealand for the fall. So we were apart 7 months, which was very hard in many ways and created many arguements. Our once, 'we are perfect for each other', turned into, 'well, we are different than each other.' I graduated December 2001 and then decided to live with my parents in Birmingham, while I taught a Kindergarten class and attempted to take on a graduate level class. While I was in New Zealand Dee continued at Auburn because he is actually younger than I am by 2 years, but he also finished school in three and half years. We continued to date and see one another on the weekends. This was definitely a growing time in our dating relationship for many reasons and we both grew in our relationship with Christ significantly, especially Dee. We had to learn how to be 'different than each other, and realize it's O.K., we are still perfect for each other' That summer, we decided to do a short term missions trip together to Kuala Lumpur , Malaysia. It was strange, because only the people on our team could know we were dating...no one else could know, I know... kind of weird. After we got back, that fall Dee went back to Auburn to finish his final semester as a college student and I officially started graduate school in elementary education and worked part time as a preschool teacher. After Dee graduated in December 2002, he ventured off with his buddies on a "road trip out west" like so many other college students his age. If you can't go backpacking in Europe, then an American road trip was the next best thing. I did not think marriage was anywhere near our present future, but little did I know, he had already bought a ring to propose to me when he got back from his trip. How did he propose? Well, he bought this nice jewelry box and put a piece of jewelry in every level of the box, with a verse corresponding to each piece of jewelry. Each level also had a page of pictures from each year that we dated with the top ten things from that year. Then in the bottom of the jewelry box was the ring with a final verse, "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh." Genesis 2:24. Wow, was I shocked! It was really special! Five months later I married my best friend on July 26th, 2003.

At our wedding ceremony, my Uncle Robert, who did the service along with Dee's mentor Tom Williams, said, "Marriage is not created to make you HAPPY, but to make you HOLY!" Wow, have those words been evident in our marriage, time and time again. Being married has been more hard than not. Dee and I both have very strong personalities and we both never give up, so things really have not been easy. Sin has definitely revealed itself, especially in the last year. But, God is definitely making us HOLY through our union with each other and now even making us HAPPY, or should I say JOYOUS. Oh, what a long way we have to go, but praise God for little victories! Praise God for how faithful he is to draw us to himself and to each other in Christ Jesus. I love you Dee!

(Jamaica on our honeymoon)

God is so providing

It is has been a month since we saw our sweet little boy's face...hard to believe! We are overjoyed and in love and can't wait to hold him in our arms. Henry keeps asking us..."When will we go get Charles Tucker??" Whenever we talk about getting on an airplane to go to Uganda...Mary Taylor points to the door to leave. I tell them, "We have to wait until we get a court date, hopefully it won't be too much longer."

Right after we received our referral...Dee and I sat down and discussed how much money we still need for our adoption expenses. God graciously has provided for us to save a huge bulk of the expenses, but we never calculated the immunization prices. Because we are taking our whole family, the shots are really expensive, not including the anti-malaria pills that are $8.00 a pop and we need to take one everyday. So...realizing this...I become anxious about where the money was going to come from, even though I knew the Lord is going to provide, but in my sin, I am not so sure I can fully trust him. Well...the Lord is so much bigger and greater and knows my needs before I do. The very next day I get the mail from the mail box and find a letter with our names on it without an address...someone has personally dropped it off at our house. Well, some very dear friends of ours gave a very generous donation to our adoption fund. When I opened the letter and saw their names, I just burst into tears of thankfulness that God was soooo providing for us to bring our child home! Thank you dear friends for allowing God to use you, once again, to bless us in this journey.

In the last couple of days, we have once again, become worried about how we will have all the money when it's time to travel. It just so happens that August and September are months when a lot of our yearly bills are due for the dogs, our house, taxes, etc. And once again...God provides through some special members of our church. I got home Thursday night and saw that someone had dropped of a letter at our front door. I was blown away at their generosity and thoughtfulness. These sweet friends felt compelled to be apart of what God is doing and help us fund our adoption to bring Charles Tucker home. Boy was I encouraged....Wow, God is so cool to meet us in our anxiousness to tell us...TRUST ME...I CAN MOVE MOUNTAINS...I WILL PROVIDE FOR YOU!

***Stay tuned because some friends at church and in my neighborhood are helping us plan some adoption fundraisers at the end of the summer and into the fall if we are still here and not traveling to Uganda. Oh...I am so thankful for community!

Dying to self once again...

About a week ago, one of the director's of our adoption agency, Generations, emailed and asked me to write a one page article about our adoption journey thus far. She wanted to include a section on international adoption to their mostly domestic adoption quarterly newsletter. She also requested a family picture to go along with the article. I thought...Oh great...we have no good family pictures. I emailed her back and said I would try to get my mother to take a picture of us this upcoming weekend while we are still in Birmingham. How hard can it be to get a good family picture? I should already have a family picture...but it always seems like an impossible task. We don't do professional photography because it is too expensive and there is rarely someone around to take our family picture....or I forget to think about it..or the kids are having a break down. But, O.K...Sunday morning we can do this. Once again...how hard can it be?

Sunday morning we all got up too late and my mother had to be at church early, so she was not around to take the picture before church. So...ok its ok...we can just take one after church. Besides this is the only time I have someone around to take this? Right? After church my sister, my mother, and all of us went to Tzatzikis.( my dad was out of town on a business trip). It was a rushed meal with the kids breaking down from lack of sleep and being off their normal schedule for the past week, but I was determined to get a family picture. We never have someone to take this of us and we look somewhat decent...so lets do it. I can tell my husband is thinking this is not a good idea and its not going to go over well. But...I still asked my mom to do it...my goodness... I deserve to get this family picture...everyone else I know has good family pictures on their blogs and Christmas cards....we can't be the one family that does not have a good family picture...So we go outside and sit in chairs because my husband is a foot taller than me and the pictures don't ever look good with us standing because his head always gets cut off. The minuted we sit down, Mary Taylor and Henry start whining and screaming... My mother and sister are trying to get their attention...and for a second they do...but then the fits start again. I continue to try to get them to behave and take the picture... I am getting furious with them not cooperating and I definitely loose my cool and keep trying to make it work. Dee is getting mad...but also trying to make it work for me, I think?..but later on I realized he was stressed and angry at the way I was handling this situation. We stop after about four minutes of this craziness and I stomped off to the car in frustration of how "my much deserved perfect family picture" did not happen the way I wanted it to." Little did I know how much it affected everyone else involved. My poor kids. About four minutes later when Dee would not talk to me in the car...the Holy Spirit revealed to me my sin: 

You have made the "perfect family picture" an idol and you are bound to it. You will do anything to get it at all costs running over everyone involved. You are not trusting me that I will provide for you in this area of your life. You are miserable in your efforts. Taking this into your own hands didn't help anyway. I AM where you can find rest for your soul.

Wow...ouch...this really hit me hard. After I got back to the house... my mother confronted me about this issue too. She said, "You have made this an idol Melissa. If God wants you to have 'the perfect family picture'...he will make it happen." This was hard to hear from her, but I needed to hear it. She was so right. If God wants me to have "the perfect family picture," then he will provide a way for that to happen. "What is 'perfect' anyway?" my sister says to me later that day. What I am trying to attain from "the perfect family picture"? Why do I feel like I need this?

Well, my whole life I have struggled with Fear of Man, wanting to live up to everyone's expectations of me. I put a lot of pressure on myself. I have put my identity in this most of my life. When it comes down to it, I do not want to be different than the status quo, I want to be loved and accepted, but not my God, by people. Everyone I know has great family pictures, so I have to be like everyone else or they will think I am weird. What's wrong with my family? What am I doing wrong? I have to make this happen at all costs. If I don't, I will not fulfill people's expectations of me. It is funny, God has been working in my life in this specific area for a long time and I have seen so much victory and freedom in the past couple of years...I don't force my kids to take pictures..I just try to get them doing real life things. I guess I was just holding on to this one thing...So once again...I need to die to self, trust God...which is actually very freeing. What is going to happen if I don't have "the perfect family picture"? 1. nothing 2. having a "real life family picture" allows others to feel freedom to do the same. 


An idol is anything that you put more energy and effort into than God...you know something is an idol when you run over everyone to get what you want, it is something you put your security and significance in more than God. You resort back to orphan tendencies and you forget that your identity is in Christ, not yourself and this world. Idols are bondage. We were not designed to love THINGS above God. God made us for himself. It is only there that we find rest for our souls.

 "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will save it."

Luke 9:23-24 

Would you like to see our "real life family pictures"? 

These tell the story of my sin...but also the story of HOPE. God is making me new and he is redeeming me. What a reason to rejoice! And these pictures really aren't that bad...

I am so glad that "Christianity is a hospital for sinners, not a museum for saints."~Tim Keller (Reason for God)

So thankful for others before us...

About a week after we got our referral, a fellow adoption friend sent me a message saying her husband just got back from our orphanage in Uganda and he might have some pictures of Charles Tucker. WOW! How cool would that be! Our orphanage is very new, it was only approved by the government six months ago and under the circumstances with the visa situation, not many families have been united yet. So it's not like many people I know can go and take pictures for me and "love on" him, like many places in Ethiopia.

She got me thinking, so I Googled the name of our orphanage. The search engine came up with two blogs of missionary trips that had been there in the last two months. So, I emailed both of them with pictures of Charles Tucker. One sweet girl name Sharon emailed me back. She was so excited to meet me and she knew exactly who Charles Tucker was. She said all of her team members picked a child "to love on" for a day or two and her friend Rachel had been the one that took care of Charles Tucker. Sharon said she remembers him being a really cute little boy. She talked about what an amazing orphanage it was and how well cared for the children were by the Aunties; they were so attentive to the children's needs. She also sent me several pictures of Charles Tucker from June 3rd, which is a month before I knew who he was. Sooooo cool!! A day later, Rachel emailed me the sweetest detailed letter about Charles Tucker. I was truly touched by her understanding my need for lots of details and information to help calm my anxious thoughts. Rachel is apart of a family who has adopted children and she knows what her parents have been through, so she is sensitive to others in the same boat. She truly has a heart for orphans. Sharon and Rachel both inspire me. Even though they are single...they care about God's children. I was too self centered to care about children in this way before I had my own. I greatly appreciate their love of orphans and their love for Charles Tucker.

Again, only God could orchestrate me finding these girls. Cr-a-zy! God is so good. Not only has he shown us the child who will soon be in our family, but he has also sent others before us "to love on him" to get him ready to be in our family. Why do I continue to worry and stress and act like an orphan myself...when my heavenly father is waiting for me to rest in his arms...it's much safer there anyway.

Chi Omega mansion reunion

One of the main reasons I decided to travel home to Birmingham last week was for the 2nd Annual Chi Omega mansion reunion. I was unable to attend last year in Birmingham, so I made sure I was not going to miss out again this year. This year Amy hosted at her lovely home in Huntsville. We had 6 out of the 9 girls who lived  together in the Chi O mansion. Not seeing some of these girls in seven years, we had a lot to catch up on. We also enjoyed chatting about old times too, like my cleaning wheel I attempted to make everyone follow...bad idea in college...surprised they didn't kick me out! We just naturally jumped into conversations like we had never left college...of course with a lot more distractions...let me say 11 children, with more on the way!  Kristy explains our time together in Huntsville well: 

"We laughed and cried and talked and talked. None of us could believe how fast our time together flew. It was encouraging, humbling, and refreshing to hear their individual stories of what God is doing in their sweet families' lives. From adoption to child loss, to job struggles, from staying home or working or trying to do some of both, these women are strong mothers and wives for their families."

Chi Omega rush at Auburn University 2000...

 Ten years later...

Christi Ikerd Green, Amy Kyle Stapler, Kelley Brown, Kristy Dean Crawford, Melissa Jackson Debardeleben, Rebekah Wright Methvin. [missing: Sarah Stone Armstrong, Mary Cook Bateman, Kimper Cannon Thomas--we missed you girls!]

Who would have thought...us with kiddos. Time definitely flies...

Can you believe they all sat for 30 seconds for this picture..I was impressed...

The kiddos (from top): Bennett Green, Eli Stapler, Henry Debardeleben, Carter Brown, Mary Taylor Debardeleben, Addison Crawford, Grace Brown, John Walt Methvin, Tate Methvin, Bennett Green [Not pictured: a sleeping Caroline Stapler. On their way: Charles Tucker and Ansley Crawford. Missing: Turner Armstrong and Ceely Bateman]

These babies are all within six months of one another...

All the crazy boys,or at least mine is! I think it's break down time...

We are sad not everyone was able to make the drive...but I am glad we are all making an effort to stay in touch after all these years.

On our way back to Birmingham, we stopped by the Space and Rocket Center. Henry loved the rockets and space shuttles on display in front of the museum. Yes, we took some pictures, but on the way home Henry deleted all my pictures from the days events. (note to self: never let 3 year old hold camera) Thank you all for these great pictures of our time together. And of course I had to have one of the Space and Rocket Center too...found one on the website. If we don't have a picture we will forget we went there. HaHa!

 

 

Katie Davis

Among several people, Katie Davis inspired our family to start the adoption journey to Uganda. God has used her life to help me understand true joy in the midst of trails and tribulation. God does not promise a life of ease and comfort, but a life that is full of him, which is often hard and frustrating, but through this suffering we experience true life, which is far better than anything this world can offer. God has and is using her to be the hands and feet of Jesus, which has inspired me and others to step out the box and trust Jesus in ways we never thought possible.  

"For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain." Philippians 1:21

I heard through the blog world that she is writing a book.... can't wait to read it!


(don't forget to pause the music at the bottom of the page)

Sixty Feet's amazing visit to Charles Tucker

Yesterday...I got an email that I will never forget. It was the sweetest pictures and an incredible video of Dr. Roe meeting Charles Tucker in Uganda. I cannot put into words the emotions and feelings I felt seeing him flip through the family picture book and holding the light brown teddy bear...one of the most surreal moments of my life. Truly AMAZING!  Henry was sitting in my lap saying, "Mommy, does Charles Tucker like us? Does he like us?" My brother and my mother were also watching it with us, which was really special. I then emailed the video to Dee in Atlanta while he was eating dinner at his parents house. His mother, father and grandmother were all there to watch this special video of Charles Tucker. Such a blessing we both experienced this video with our families...an event that only God could orchestrate. I will forever be thankful to Dr. Roe and the Sixty Feet team for loving on Charles Tucker while we wait and trust God for him to be apart of our family. One day soon I hope to share it with you all.

The Sixty Feet team said,

"Later in the day, two from our team went to another orphanage to visit a child that a family in Atlanta is adopting. The contrast with Mukisa was remarkable; loving care givers, a warm environment, toys for the kids. David was able to examine him (clean bill of health!) and Michael got some great footage for the family, which he shared with them last night."

I am reassured in this that God cares about the little things, he wants to give good gifts to those he loves.
God is showing me...literally showing me...that he is in control and he cares for Charles Tucker way more than I can ever care for him.

Yes...don't get me wrong I want to get on a plane and go see him right now!!! This is extremely hard! But, the Lord quickly meets me and calms my anxiousness. He gives me hope that we will see him soon, he helps me to be patient in waiting, and helps me to remember to rely on him through prayer.

Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer. – Romans 12:12

McWane Center in Birmingmham

  So far we have had a great week in Birmingham hanging out with my family, seeing old friends and just sleeping late. Today my sister came in town from Auburn and we all went to the McWane Center. Wow, what a neat place...so much bigger than our Children's Museum in Atlanta, but it would take weeks to really experience it all.

My mom, my sister..Amelia, and Mary Taylor in the Distortion Room or "Alison Wonderland Room"...

Henry flying a model airplane...

Of course Henry made a friend in the Kids Room and they played rockets and bad guys for like thirty minutes...

Mary Taylor was entertained by the water table for thirty minutes also...

M.T. 's thinking...'What have I done wrong?'...after we all freaked out from her drinking the water from the water table...

'Ehooo gross'...she realizes that drinking the water isn't acceptable...

 

It's time to leave so we won't get in 280 traffic...our first attempt at a group picture...

Our second attempt was much better...

*More pictures to come of our time here in Birmingham...

**The courts are closed as of yesterday in Uganda. Pray that we will trust in God's timing and we will rest in his strength. Hopefully shortly after August 15th we will know something and began to really prepare to travel.

Sixty Feet...hopefully a visit to Charles Tucker

The Sixty Feet team leaves tomorrow heading to Uganda to help the children of Mukisa. The children in Mukisa are in a government run orphanage with horrific conditions. The Sixty Feet team is trying to make life better for these children, by giving them fresh water, a mattress and a blanket to sleep on, medical care and ultimately transferring these children to a more loved environment, maybe even families. This is their second trip over to Uganda and they have compiled a list of things that will hopefully happen before June 2011. This is the list taken from Sixty Feet website.

- Provide 7 day per week caregiver(s) for the children
- Provide 1 nutritious meal per day in addition to what the government is currently providing
- Enable or provide access to quality medical care and supplies at least on a recurring monthly basis
- Provide adequate bedding and mosquito nets
- Ensure every child at the Centre has at least one complete set of clothing
- Ensure all eligible children are allowed to go to school
- Repair water system for the Centre and the village
- Local Executive Director – someone living in the nearby village to coordinate all of the above.

This is the latest video about Mukisa. Natalie is the first person to find this place less than six months ago. (Video has been deleted)


One of the members of the team, Dr. Roe, a pediatrician, will be a great asset to their team in providing the much needed medical care these children crave.

If all goes as planned....Dr. Roe said he will be able to go VISIT CHARLES TUCKER!  How neat is that? I dropped off a little picture book of our family and a cute little teddy bear that Dr. Roe will deliver to him at the babies home. He also said he could give him a "check up" to make sure he is getting healthier. I am so thankful and excited! So cool that God put all this together and allowed me to meet all these amazing people with hearts for Uganda and the orphan.

Here is the picture book and teddy bear I sent to Charles Tucker... Sorry I had to cover his precious little face...believe me he is really cute!

Praying that things fall into place so this will be hand delivered to him. We do love you Charles Tucker!!