Love Passes Knowledge and One year later...

...since we began our adoption journey and entered the blog world! Hard to believe it has been that long since the Lord opened our eyes to the 147 million orphans around the world. Last week I was hoping we would be in Uganda today loving on Charles Tucker, but the Lord is obviously up to something else right now. If you would like read the first couple of posts explaining how the Lord led us to this crazy journey go HERE and HERE. I am also posting the article I wrote for our adoption agency, Generations, back in July. It is a great summery of how the Lord worked in our lives and is still working through this journey. You can read it HERE.

Why Love Passes Knowledge?

I don't think I ever explained why we picked this title for our blog. Well, I found this phrase from the song, "Lord, Dissolve My Frozen Heart,"an old hymn redone by Red Mountain Church in Birmingham. All of Red Mountain music has been a huge blessing to us. Anyway, deciding to start a blog was out of my comfort zone, as was starting the process of adopting an orphan from Africa. But, we really felt the Lord calling us to do both. Obviously the biggest step of faith was deciding to step forward and start this adoption process, not knowing if this was the Lord's will, but feeling an overwhelming excitement and joy at the thought of being the "hands and feet" of Jesus to an orphan. Everything about adoption gave me so much joy and at the same time I was scared to death. I was fearful of what others would think, I was fearful of having three kids under 3 at the time, but I knew this was where true LIFE was and there was so much joy in where the Lord was calling us. So "Love Passes Knowledge" for me, meant he was calling us to love these orphans and I was thrilled about it, even though, based on the knowledge of the world, it did not makes sense and many would not understand.

To take it further, "Love Passes Knowledge" means so much pertaining to our savior. Our savior, Jesus Christ loved us despite our rejection of him, despite our nasty sin....he died on the cross to save us, to rescue us from ourselves, to bring us into right relationship with him. Why would a person do this? Based on knowledge this makes no sense, why would a righteous man die for an unrighteous man? Therefore, "Love Passes Knowledge". The Lord has adopted us as sons and daughters in Christ. He is our father, he loves us unconditionally, not based on what we have done or what we have not done. From a worldly aspect, this makes no sense at all, our present world functions very differently, "tid for tat," right? Our gospel turns this upside. The love of Christ melted our frozen hearts and replaced it with a heart like his. Yes, we have a long way to go in the journey to fully be made like Christ, but his love is making us new everyday and gives us reason to live for more than ourselves. This love has compelled Dee and I to step out and passionately desire to give an orphan a home to make him our son. This love is nothing of ourselves, (believe me, I am very unloving "in and of myself," just ask my husband) it is all about our savior and his love for us.

Now a year later, most of those fears I had toward the beginning of this journey are non exsistent...I have not thought about other's opinions of our decision to adopt in months. Praise the Lord he is giving me freedom in this area! The Lord has grown us leaps and bounds in this one year in more ways than one. My greatest fear at this point is...to never hold precious Charles Tucker in our arms.

Here are the lyrics to the song which inspired our blog title:

"Lord, Dissolve My Frozen Heart"

Lord, disolve my frozen heart,
By the beams of love divine;
This alone can warmth impart,
To dissolve a heart like mine.

The love of Christ passes knowledge.
The love of Christ eases fear.
The love of Chrsit hits a man's heart,
It pierces him like a spear.

O that love, how vast it is!
Vast it seems, though known inpart;
Strange indeed, if love like this,
Should not melt the frozen heart.

The love of Christ passes knowledge.
The love of Christ eases fear.
The love of Chrsit hits a man's heart,
It pierces him like a spear.

Savior, let they love be felt,
Let its pow'r be felt by me,
Then my frozen heart shall melt,
Melt in love, O Lord to thee.

The love of Christ passes knowledge.
The love of Christ eases fear.
The love of Chrsit hits a man's heart,
It pierces him like a spear.

(Please pause my music at the bottom of the page)

Four Months

Monday was four months since we saw the precious brown skinned, beautiful smile, gorgeous big brown eyed Charles Tucker. I never thought we would still be looking at his picture after four months. Today was a very hard day, but the Lord met me in my sadness and frustration and his given me eyes for him again. He rescued me from drowning in my own self pity. He put a new song in my mouth! I don't want to miss what the Lord is doing, while I focus so much on myself. The Lord wants to give good gifts to those he loves. I want to desire what the Lord desires right now today. Thank you for all your prayers, it is working.

I waited patiently for the LORD;
       he turned to me and heard my cry.

  He lifted me out of the slimy pit,
       out of the mud and mire;
       he set my feet on a rock
       and gave me a firm place to stand.

 He put a new song in my mouth,
       a hymn of praise to our God.
       Many will see and fear
       and put their trust in the LORD.

 Psalm 40:1-3

Our little soccer player...

About a month ago, Henry started off his soccer career with lots of tears and one frustrated daddy. If you would like a recap of that game go HERE. But after the first game, he has loved playing every game! We told you Daddy!! Ha Ha!

Look at him get after that ball. And he scored his first goal at his second game! How funny is that after all that drama!

At his third game, Kaki and T.J. both came to cheer him on all the way from Birmingham.

Then at the next game Nana brought cousin Dexter to watch Henry's game. I think Dexter's ready to play soccer in the fall, he could not get enough of the soccer ball.

Daddy took over coaching for this game along with Shae's father, Peter.

 Go Henry!!

Daddy takes a little break from coaching for little M.T....

 Shea and Henry are pretty worn out from all that running...

The Atlanta Tigers won! Game over hand shakes or whatever it's called...Henry has his hand ready...so maybe he isn't so bad about following directions??

As they all walked, he kept trying to bump his friend Hugh...Come on Henry??? Drive'n everybody crazy... like father, like son!

We have all loved getting outside during these beautiful fall days, I think I could get the hang of being a "soccer mom", it's a lot better than I anticipated, considering I was never the competitive type in highschool. I was more of the dancer, gymnastic type...but being cheering for your kids is alot different!

**No news of a court date yet, we had a great weekend of enjoying where we are, but today was a little harder knowing we could get a call any second, which made it hard to be content. But, I guess it is just one day at a time, attempting to rely on my savior, in the midst of the unknown. He is definitely meeting me where I am in my anxiety, but it has not been easy. Praying for the person and work of Jesus to make me new in the midst of my discontent attitude and disappointment. We are still here for an amazing purpose, but I am having a hard time trusting God in his sovereignty. "Lord help me to know you are God and I am not."

But for this purpose I have raised you up, to show you my power, so that my name may be proclaimed in all the earth. Exodus 9:16

Living in the HERE and NOW..

This last week has left me completely exhausted from the stress of this emotional roller coaster. It has left me with puffy eyes from lac of sleep and lots of "bumps" on my face that will not go away.

Why did the Lord have us go through this last week of ups and downs....leaving, not leaving, leaving, not leaving? I don't know why, but some obvious reasons are:

1. It forced us to get on the ball and really get packed. So now we are pretty much ready to go tomorrow if we had to. A week ago we would not have said that. So this is an answer to prayer.

2. I had time to get all this private blog stuff worked out..emails logged in, etc....

3. I have had time to start this new adoption book that I ordered called "Toddler Adoption", which is very informative.

4. We were able to finish Henry's Super Hero ABC book so we can take it on the air plane.

5. It forced me to trust God with more things in my life, allowing me to realize how much I am not in control...at all..not one little bit! I have a feeling he will be teaching me this a lot during the next several months of this adoption journey, especially once we get to Uganda! Things do not usually go as planned over there...can you tell?

Several friends sent me really encouraging emails during this past week. Those have definitely lifted my spirits and ministered to me. Our Generations social worker sent me this email after I talked/cryed to her the other day. I really appreciated her insight on this whole situation...how wonderful that she prays for our family!

I don’t know if this will be comforting to you, but it was for my burdened heart as I prayed for you and our families in Uganda. Yesterday Cathy sent us a devotional that she received through her email with the verse in Gen. 8:1: God remembered Noah and all the wild animals and the livestock that were with him in the ark, and he sent a wind over the earth, and the waters receded.” As I thought about this verse and the words “remembered”, I felt God impress on my heart that it wasn’t that all of sudden God said, “Oh my gosh, Noah…I completely forgot…I can’t believe it’s been 40 days…oops” but instead God remembered Noah because the 40 days that God had already appointed and decided Noah would need to wait in the flood were finally over and God could finally come and make the water recede. He has NOT forgotten you today, but has a plan and purpose for your families’ life and it is good, even though sometimes it is dark, painful, disappointing, and never what we are expecting. The time you are waiting for this process to be over might just be God’s timing for you, even though you don’t understand it.

I really do think, sometimes, that God has forgotten about us, or it is up to me to make it happen. But, the Lord wants this adoption to happen more than we do, because it is his heart for orphans to have families...it is just not the right timing yet.

Then another friend, Laura, sent me an email about how much she has enjoyed following our adoption journey and she gave me some great insight for why the Lord has planned this story the way he has...

"I know you feel so ready, but you have to know that God is preparing Charles Tucker, and maybe preparing the hearts of Mary Taylor and Henry to be at an age/stage, etc when they are ready to accept their new brother in the easiest, least stressful way."

Thank you Laura for this perspective, I have never thought about this before. There really are, real and just reasons for why we are still in the United States and not on a air plane. It is not random, the Lord has not forgotten about Charles Tucker. He wants to write the most amazing adoption story to bring the most glory to his name, which is exactly what brings us most satisfaction too! So cool how it works that way!! Can't wait for that day!

Then my sister-in-law, Leslie, sent me this encouraging verse and some words that Beth Moore talked about in one of her studies. So neat to think of God longing with us....

"no matter what you’re going through, longing for or waiting on, the Lord is right there longing and waiting with you"

Yet the LORD longs to be gracious

 he rises to show you compassion.
 For the LORD is a God of justice.
Blessed are all who wait for him!

Isaiah 30:18

And thank you to our wonderful friends and family who have helped us out during this last week while we thought we were about to leave. Thank you to Caroline for watching the kids at the park on Tuesday afternoon while I ran errands for Uganda. Jenn. G., thanks for picking the kids up and bringing them home...we had fun eating dinner and chatting with you too! Then the next day, my sister-in-law, Jennifer, and her son Dexter watched Henry and Mary Taylor so I could continue this packing adventure...I am glad we got to hang out a bit too! Then today, my Grandmother and Aunt picked up the kids and took them to story time and to lunch so Dee and I could make a Target run and spend time together....what a big help you all were today! And then late this after noon when I went to pick up my mail, my across the street neighbor Beth, graced me with her delicious m'n'm chocolate chip cookies! Wow what a great surprise to lift my spirits after our crazy week! Beth, you have no idea how much I love chocolate chip cookies!!

And to add another reason why we are still here...

6. The Lord wants to teach me to live in the present and be content with what he has for me today. There are blessing I am missing out on when I am anxious for the future. So to show you how we have been living in the "here and now" here are a few pictures from our events from the last two days.

What blessings my children truly are. I truly have the coolest and most fun kids out there...they might be wild, defiant, impatient, etc, but they are a lot of fun!! Let me show you what we have been up to. We went to the YMCA fall festival on Friday night. I took some great pictures of the kids without my sim card in my camera, so here are a few pictures I took with my iphone.

Then Saturday night we attempted to go to "Boo at the Zoo", but we got there twenty minutes before it closed. But they let us come in for a little while to look at the flamingos and play on the playground. Henry was a little upset the train was not running anymore. But, he managed to have fun on the playground after he met some friends. Henry of course was "Batman" and Mary Taylor refused to put on the "Robin" costume that Henry picked out for her. So she wore her pumpkin dress that still fits from last year. I found the "Robin" costume at the thrift store, because Henry always talks about how he wants Charles Tucker to play "Batman and Robin" with him.

Look at those teeth! M.T. got her first tooth at 15 months so we are just a little bit slow in this area of development...don't worry the dentist did an xray of her mouth...she has all of her teeth they are just taking their sweet time...

  

 Before we got back in the car we stopped and listened to a trumpet player on the street  play "twinkle twinkle little star" and "row row row your boat" at Mary Taylor's request. Then right before it got dark we found a park to run around and play "Batman and Robin". I guess Henry has settled with Mary Taylor...for now...

 Dana nana nana nana dana nana nana nana...Batman!

 Hiding behind the tree...

Faster than a speeding bullet....or is that super man? 

 What's the next move Batman?

Oh, you want your sister to put on the Robin costume? Ok, she will...Oh, now she said, no!

 Please Ta Ta???

 NO...

" Well, then I will put the Robin cap and mask on and be Bat-Robin"...with Ta Ta right behind him

Henry's first attempt at taking a picture of us...

Please, sister, will you put the Robin costume on???

Ok.. He He...

Go Robin!

Could she be a cuter Robin??? Hilarious!!

 And always remember to bring Pablo where ever you go... my grandmother and aunt bought this for her today at the book store. This is her new favorite friend...

 Yes, at last...Batman and Robin together...there is a costume, but we could only talk her into wearing the mask and cape...

And don't forget Pablo...

Didn't I tell you they were fun? What a great night to realize my precious blessings that are right in front of my eyes.

Tomorrow we have a soccer game and our cousin Dexter's Halloween Party!! Stay tuned for more events while we live in the "here and now!!!"

Leaving...Not Leaving...Leaving...Not Leaving...

Last night we got another email from our social worker telling us she talked to our lawyer on the phone and he was going to work really hard to get us a court date tomorrow (today) for next week, so she said,
"Keep packing because you will probably leave really soon." So we were once again on the "leaving mind set". Today, the news was...our paper work had not even been switched from the old judge to the new judge, so we will not have a court date next week. So, switch to, "not leaving mind set".....Easier said than done today. Yesterday I was O.K. with the, "no court date" news, but today it hit me a little differently and I was pretty frustrated with the whole situation. I called our social worker and kind of vented to her and left the phone conversation crying. So hard to now switch to living in "the hear and now" after this whole emotional roller coaster this week. Oh...and my poor kids...the last two days they have been watching way too much t.v. Of course, now that we are not going next week, I started to feel guilty about not paying attention to them, but what can you do in all this confusion? So after the phone call, I tried to switch gears and spent a little time with Henry finishing up his "super hero alphabet book" that we have been working on. We have been working on this for about a month and I wanted to finish before we go to Uganda, so he could have something educational to look at, besides him being obsessed with all things super heroes.

Then I proceeded to clean my whole house once Dee got home just to refocus my energy on "the here and now." But,who knows what will happen tomorrow? I will not be surprised by anything at this point!

So for the next several days I am going to be living in "the here and now" and blogging about "the here and now" so I won't go crazy! Besides, we are not in Uganda yet...we are here....so that is God's plan for today, who knows what tomorrow brings? Today I pray that the Lord will give me his strength to make it through today "living in the in between" of this situation, because I don't have much strength left...not that I had any in the first place.

Do you not know?
       Have you not heard?
       The LORD is the everlasting God,
       the Creator of the ends of the earth.
       He will not grow tired or weary,
       and his understanding no one can fathom.

 He gives strength to the weary
       and increases the power of the weak.

 Even youths grow tired and weary,
       and young men stumble and fall;

 but those who hope in the LORD
       will renew their strength.
       They will soar on wings like eagles;
       they will run and not grow weary,
       they will walk and not be faint.

Isaiah 40:28-31

Charles Tucker! I promise we are coming!!! Eventually...God is faithful and he loves you!

Spinning in Circles...

Well, the last 48 hours have been a world wind and well....now we are at square one again. Monday afternoon I got a phone call from our social worker telling us we might have a court date next week in Uganda. She told us we would know for sure Wednesday when our lawyer gets back in touch with her. So....today is Wednesday and the news is....no court date. ): So we continue to wait. At least we are pretty much fully packed! She told us we might even have to fly out this Friday or Saturday for a court date on Monday or Tuesday, but...probably not now. We were worried about the price of the plane tickets with such a short notice and we still are. But, we keep reminding our selves this is God's adoption story, not ours. If he wants us to spend $10,000.00 on plane tickets, then he will provide for us. It's just money, right? Surprisingly I am not upset about this, because I know we are getting really close to leaving, maybe just not this week or next. But, who knows with this crazy adoption process! We have been spinning in circles and...we continue to spin. But, the Lord knows where the straight line is and what the whole map looks like, so we rest in his guidance and know he will lead us! Just hope the spinning stops soon!!

**We are making our blog private tomorrow. Last chance to send me your email address so you can continue to follow our blog.

We are going private for a while!

If you have enjoyed following our adoption journey this far and you would like to continue to be updated on the latest news, please comment below or send me an email with your name and email so I can add you to our private blog. We are going private to protect our precious Cha Tu! Once we make it private, look for an email about logging in for the first time. After you log in for the first time, you should not have to do it again, but I am not sure about this whole process. If you do not have a Google account you might have to create one to continue following our journey! Sorry for all the trouble, but once we gain legal guardianship of precious Charles Tucker, we will make it public again. I will probably make it private by the end of the week, so let me know as soon as possible!!

Suffering, Honesty, Encouragement...HOPE!

I have to be honest, the last couple of days have been really, really hard. I think I have been a little depressed at the news of our judge being reassigned. We are fearful we might not travel until after the Ugandan holiday, which ends January 15th, which would put us in February at the earliest. At this point my mind starts to wonder if we will ever bring Charles Tucker home to be in our family. I have had a hard time finding hope in this situation. I feel so torn living hear in Georgia with our child living on the other side of the world, growing up without us! I know God is in control, but I am not doing a good job of trusting him. I want to be O.K. with this situation, but IT IS SO FREAK-EN HARD!...He does not have to be over there with out us? Isn't the best place for him to be with us?...Why are God's plans for us to be separated right now?... I want to embrace the Lord's plans, but I am really struggling.

Tonight as we drove to our third African Adoption Fellowship, I just could not get out of my funk, no matter how much I prayed. I was miserable to be around and just plain sulky. (Thanks Amelia for putting up with me. Yes, my sweet sister has been in town today hanging out with me trying to cheer me up.) I kept thinking, "How can I keep living knowing he might never join our family?" What does it mean to trust God in this situation?" Well, after we arrived I was able to talk to several mamas who have been through the same thing that we are going through and it really help to talk about it and tell them how depressed I am. I really felt they sympathized with me. No one tried to say the right words, they just listened and agreed with how hard the adoption process truly is. For some reason, the Lord used these women in my life tonight to encourage me greatly. I am so thankful for this group of families!

Martha, Andrea, and Angie are some of the amazing women I look forward to doing life with as we bring Charles Tucker into our family. They share the burden and joy of adoption, that I hope to know soon.

 

It also helped that sweet little Silas, adopted from Ethiopia about a year ago, was there to to bring me a little hope tonight. He is exactly Charles Tucker's age...

Isn't he absolutely adorable? SO theraputic to play and love on him a bit! Mary Taylor couldn't get enough of him either! They were holding hands while they "jumped", too cute!!

Silas wasn't too sure about M.T. giving him a hug..."I just want to love you...."~M.T.

Doesn't this look like a preview of our life to come??

 "Why won't this girl sit still?"~Silas

 Impossible to get them both to look at the camera...

 While the adults chatted away the older children watched Pocahontas on the big screen outside!

Precious little Neema, adopted from Tanzania a couple of months ago, and Henry were not too sure about the fighting scene between the Indians and the settlers...

After dinner it was time for smores...

 Mary Taylor wasn't too sure about the fire...

It was a great time getting to know these families a little bit more! Can't wait to share in the joy and hardship of adoption!

 Then tonight I came home and read my friend Amy's blog and this song greatly challenged me. (please pause my music at the bottom of the page)

You look around, staring back at you
Another wave of doubt, will it pull you under? You wonder
What if I'm overtaken? What if I never make it?
What if no one's there? Will You hear my prayer?

When you take that first step into the unknown
You know that He won't let you go

So what are you waiting for? What do you have to lose?
Your insecurities, they try to hold to you
But you know you're made for more, so don't be afraid to move
Your faith is all it takes, and you can walk on the water, too

So get out, and let your fear fall to the ground
No time to waste, don't wait, and don't you turn around and miss out
Everything you were made for, I know you're not sure
So you play it safe, you try to run away

If you take that first step into the unknown
He won't let you go

So what are you waiting for? What do you have to lose?
Your insecurities, they try to hold to you
But you know you're made for more, so don't be afraid to move
Your faith is all it takes, and you can walk on the water, too

Step out, even when it's storming
Step out, even when you're broken
Step out, even when your heart is telling you
Telling you to give upStep out, when your hope is stolen
Step out, you can't see where you're going
You don't have to be afraid
So what are you waiting, what are you waiting for?

So what are you waiting for? What do you have to lose?
Your insecurities try to hold to you
You know you're made for more, so don't be afraid to move
Your faith is all it takes, and you can walk on the water
Walk on the water, too


I know this song does not apply directly to my situation, but it made me realize God is meeting me where I am. He is the only one who can make me trust him. I cannot trust him on my own strength. He has to change my heart. Obviously we are not suppose to be in Uganda right now as much as I think we should be. So I pray that the Lord would bend my heart toward his and give me the will to keep going despite disappointment, despite the fact that C.T. might never be ours. Right now I am not willing to go there, but if it is the Lord's will, I pray that I will desire it more than anything. Woo, that's hard! I keep thinking, isn't it enough that we were willing to adopt? That was hard enough in the beginning. Shouldn't the rest of the process be easy because God's heart is for orphans to be in families? But, many orphans never know the love of a family and some how that brings glory to God. I am definitely having a hard time being hopeful. So I am praying the Lord would reach down and rescue me from my self pity and give me hope, hope that only comes from him.

More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces HOPE, and HOPE does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us. Romans 5:4-5