Suffering, Honesty, Encouragement...HOPE!

I have to be honest, the last couple of days have been really, really hard. I think I have been a little depressed at the news of our judge being reassigned. We are fearful we might not travel until after the Ugandan holiday, which ends January 15th, which would put us in February at the earliest. At this point my mind starts to wonder if we will ever bring Charles Tucker home to be in our family. I have had a hard time finding hope in this situation. I feel so torn living hear in Georgia with our child living on the other side of the world, growing up without us! I know God is in control, but I am not doing a good job of trusting him. I want to be O.K. with this situation, but IT IS SO FREAK-EN HARD!...He does not have to be over there with out us? Isn't the best place for him to be with us?...Why are God's plans for us to be separated right now?... I want to embrace the Lord's plans, but I am really struggling.

Tonight as we drove to our third African Adoption Fellowship, I just could not get out of my funk, no matter how much I prayed. I was miserable to be around and just plain sulky. (Thanks Amelia for putting up with me. Yes, my sweet sister has been in town today hanging out with me trying to cheer me up.) I kept thinking, "How can I keep living knowing he might never join our family?" What does it mean to trust God in this situation?" Well, after we arrived I was able to talk to several mamas who have been through the same thing that we are going through and it really help to talk about it and tell them how depressed I am. I really felt they sympathized with me. No one tried to say the right words, they just listened and agreed with how hard the adoption process truly is. For some reason, the Lord used these women in my life tonight to encourage me greatly. I am so thankful for this group of families!

Martha, Andrea, and Angie are some of the amazing women I look forward to doing life with as we bring Charles Tucker into our family. They share the burden and joy of adoption, that I hope to know soon.

 

It also helped that sweet little Silas, adopted from Ethiopia about a year ago, was there to to bring me a little hope tonight. He is exactly Charles Tucker's age...

Isn't he absolutely adorable? SO theraputic to play and love on him a bit! Mary Taylor couldn't get enough of him either! They were holding hands while they "jumped", too cute!!

Silas wasn't too sure about M.T. giving him a hug..."I just want to love you...."~M.T.

Doesn't this look like a preview of our life to come??

 "Why won't this girl sit still?"~Silas

 Impossible to get them both to look at the camera...

 While the adults chatted away the older children watched Pocahontas on the big screen outside!

Precious little Neema, adopted from Tanzania a couple of months ago, and Henry were not too sure about the fighting scene between the Indians and the settlers...

After dinner it was time for smores...

 Mary Taylor wasn't too sure about the fire...

It was a great time getting to know these families a little bit more! Can't wait to share in the joy and hardship of adoption!

 Then tonight I came home and read my friend Amy's blog and this song greatly challenged me. (please pause my music at the bottom of the page)

You look around, staring back at you
Another wave of doubt, will it pull you under? You wonder
What if I'm overtaken? What if I never make it?
What if no one's there? Will You hear my prayer?

When you take that first step into the unknown
You know that He won't let you go

So what are you waiting for? What do you have to lose?
Your insecurities, they try to hold to you
But you know you're made for more, so don't be afraid to move
Your faith is all it takes, and you can walk on the water, too

So get out, and let your fear fall to the ground
No time to waste, don't wait, and don't you turn around and miss out
Everything you were made for, I know you're not sure
So you play it safe, you try to run away

If you take that first step into the unknown
He won't let you go

So what are you waiting for? What do you have to lose?
Your insecurities, they try to hold to you
But you know you're made for more, so don't be afraid to move
Your faith is all it takes, and you can walk on the water, too

Step out, even when it's storming
Step out, even when you're broken
Step out, even when your heart is telling you
Telling you to give upStep out, when your hope is stolen
Step out, you can't see where you're going
You don't have to be afraid
So what are you waiting, what are you waiting for?

So what are you waiting for? What do you have to lose?
Your insecurities try to hold to you
You know you're made for more, so don't be afraid to move
Your faith is all it takes, and you can walk on the water
Walk on the water, too


I know this song does not apply directly to my situation, but it made me realize God is meeting me where I am. He is the only one who can make me trust him. I cannot trust him on my own strength. He has to change my heart. Obviously we are not suppose to be in Uganda right now as much as I think we should be. So I pray that the Lord would bend my heart toward his and give me the will to keep going despite disappointment, despite the fact that C.T. might never be ours. Right now I am not willing to go there, but if it is the Lord's will, I pray that I will desire it more than anything. Woo, that's hard! I keep thinking, isn't it enough that we were willing to adopt? That was hard enough in the beginning. Shouldn't the rest of the process be easy because God's heart is for orphans to be in families? But, many orphans never know the love of a family and some how that brings glory to God. I am definitely having a hard time being hopeful. So I am praying the Lord would reach down and rescue me from my self pity and give me hope, hope that only comes from him.

More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces HOPE, and HOPE does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us. Romans 5:4-5