Follow up from yesterday...

(This is a follow up post from yesterday, you can go to it HERE.)

Some people say that I had these emotions because I was not prepared, that I did not do my research on attachement and bonding. Well, I actually did read a couple of books that definitley helped me know what to expect, Parenting Your Internationally Adopted Child and Toddler Adoption: The Weavers Craft. Neither one of these books talked about the parent to child bond would be hard. They both talked about how the child to parent bond is the big issue, RAD, (Reactive Attatchment Disorder).  Maybe I overlooked a chapter, that I should have read, but I don't know. I was not surprised by his actions, I expected this, but these authors did not talk about how "I" as the parent might feel toward the child. I think I could have read every single book on attachment and bonding and still felt overwhelmed by these feelings I was experiencing. An attachment book is not going to make me LOVE, truly LOVE.  I believe this kind of love only comes from Jesus Christ. The only book that will teach me to truly love is the Bible and this is where I want to do most of my research, this is where I soak in the most wisdom on parenting my children, even adopted ones. I have to trust that God will give me discerment on how to raise my children. I do not claim to be an expert... I am just a mom, trusting Jesus to help me get through life, because I am a distaster otherwise. But, my prayer for this blog is for God to use my feable attempts at writing our journey to bring him glory.

God was most definitely Glorified!

During the last twenty four hours I have gone from being anxious, excited, nervous that we might receive a court date today, but knowing it would be too good to be true after too many disappointments....to this morning completely relying on the strength of my father to get me through the first part of the day without a break down of what could or could not happen. Then around 11:30, I heard my phone ring and I saw our social worker's name and my heart began to race. I picked up the phone and said, "Oh gosh". Our social worker said, "Hi Melissa, how are you?" From the sound of her voice I knew it was good news. She said with a laugh, "You have a court date for December 3rd." I exclaimed, "Thank you Jesus!" And then I screamed! "I cannot believe this, oh my goodness! I can't believe this!!! Thank you Lord!" I am sure she was excited to bring me good news today after all the times she had to listen to me cry over the phone in the last month. I was truly in shock!!

All I could think about was, the Lord wanted it to happen like this. In the last twenty four hours hundreds of people around the country were praying for us and several other families who are in the process of adopting their children from Uganda. The Lord wanted his children, including me, to be fully reliant on him, to bring him the most glory. Well, I certainly feel the Lord was glorified through the wait of this process. I don't know the overall big reason why we kept facing obstacles, but I do know this adoption process has brought many believers to their knees. Like John Piper says, "God is most glorified, when we are most satisfied in him." I have been forced to fully rely on my savior with no other way to try to manipulate the situation. This has been so freak-en hard, but I have also "tasted and seen that the Lord is good" on many different occasions.

Now, I can let my guard down after so many months of guarding my heart, in fear of never getting a court date to see Charles Tucker's face in person and hold him in my arms. Well, tonight I have looked at 125 pictures and watched all 4 videos of him that many friends have been so gracious to take for us over the past 5 months. We even received more pictures from two different friends this week. God is sooooooo taking care of this whole process, way more than I can ever know.

So we have to be in Uganda on December 3rd for our court date. We are taking our whole family with us, so we decided it is probably best to get there a couple of days before to get adjusted to the time change and the jet lag. So our flight leaves on Monday, November 29th at 2:30 p.m. out of Atlanta. We arrive 23 hours later in Entebbe, Uganda. We were a little nervous after we realized we would have to buy Mary Taylor a plane ticket, because she will turn two next Friday, but the Lord completely worked it out. The tickets were so much cheaper than we expected, because we were able to book two weeks in advance, opposed to five days in advance. And I want to say a big thank you to my parents for giving us their credit card points for 80% of the plane tickets. You guys are such a blessing to us, thank you for allowing the Lord to use you in this way to bring your grandchild home! All these little details are such an answer to prayer...so amazing to see the Lord provide.

These 12 days will be a joyous time celebrating and anticipating our adventure to Uganda to bring home our "Cha Tu"! We won't have to rush or stress to make a flight in the next couple of days, God is good and we will even be able to see all of our family members before we take off during Thanksgiving next week. It will be a great send off!

Once we get to Uganda on November 30th, we will go see Charles Tucker right away. We will hang out with him at the babies home until our court date on December 3rd. Our whole family will go to the court date including C.T. Then probably the judge will ask us to come back in a week to get our verbal and written ruling to obtain Legal Guardianship of him. Then we will be able to bring him back to our guest house for good. Daddy and Henry will leave soon after this to come home. Mary Taylor will stay with us the remainder of the trip. So I will have two, two year olds, by myself, in Africa!! This should be interesting!! Once we have Legal Guardianship, we will start the process of getting him a visa, which could take several weeks. We have our flights booked for January, but who knows...we might be finished before Christmas. I am not worried about any of these details yet, I just want to enjoy what the Lord has done today. I JUST CAN'T BELIEVE THIS IS REALLY HAPPENING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

We have so much to be thankful for. I am just overwhelmed by the goodness of the Lord right now and how he has worked out all the details... I have been stressing over for so many months. It is amazing how much better this news of a court date has become after all the waiting and anticipating....I have to say it is soooo worth it!! Charles Tucker is soooo worth it! The Lord is sooooooooooooooooo worth it!!

Taste and see that the LORD is good;
   blessed is the one who takes refuge in him. 

Psalm 34:8

The heavens proclaim his righteousness, 

and all the peoples see his glory. Psalm 97:6

Jesus relationship with his Father

I have just begun reading A Praying Life, by Paul E. Miller. So far, it discusses why and how we should pray.

Come overwhelmed with life. Come with a wandering mind. Come messy. (pg. 33)

My mind can make me crazy sometimes. It is so easy to feel overwhelmed with cleaning, laundry, spending time with your kids, loving your husband, being a good friend.... When I actually do sit down and pray during these feelings, God meets me where I am and he grants me clarity to see the world through his eyes, instead of my own. If I would only rest in him more, then I would know what it means to be "in Christ."

Learning to pray doesn't offer you a less busy life, it offers you a less busy heart. (pg.25)

While Jesus was on earth, he was the most dependent human that ever lived. Jesus was completely and utterly dependent on his Father in heaven. He defines himself only in relationship with his Father. Since the fall, we have all been on a quest for self-identity. We are constantly trying to figure out who we are, what our needs are, how to satisfy them. Jesus has no self that is separate from God, he has no identity crisis, no conflict with good and evil. He never tried to "find himself." Jesus only knows himself in the relationship with his Father. Jesus loved to get away from the crowds and pray to the one he loved and so much needed. So, when he was on the cross, he experienced extreme agony from being separate from his Father. "Jesus anguish is our normal." (pg.45)

If you know that you, like Jesus, can't do life on your own, then prayer makes complete sense. (pg.44)

I have never thought of Jesus needing his Father that much before. I have always thought Jesus was God, so he needed nothing, because he was God. Wow, this is such a different perspective. I pray that we all know that Jesus died the worst death possible and was separated from his Father, because he took all the sins of the world upon his shoulders. He experienced HELL for us, so that we might share in his righteousness and have right relationship with God. Thank you Jesus.

I wanted to share one of my favorite songs, by Stuart Townshed, written in 1995.

"How Deep the Father's Love for Us"

How deep the Father's love for us,

How vast beyond all measure

That He should give His only Son

To make a wretch His treasure

How great the pain of searing loss,

The Father turns His face away

As wounds which mar the chosen One,

Bring many sons to glory

...

Behold the Man upon a cross,

My sin upon His shoulders

Ashamed I hear my mocking voice,

Call out among the scoffers

It was my sin that held Him there

Until it was accomplished

His dying breath has brought me life

I know that it is finished

...

I will not boast in anything

No gifts, no power, no wisdom

But I will boast in Jesus Christ

His death and resurrection

Why should I gain from His reward?

I cannot give an answer

But this I know with all my heart

His death has paid my ransom

I pray that we all understand our great need for this amazing sacrifice.

What is the person and work of Jesus anyway?

   In my last post I talked about the person and work of Jesus in my life. This is just a glimpse of what this really means.
      Sin entered the world with Adam and Eve. This sin was deadly and caused all men to go to hell. God told Adam and Eve he would send a person to rescue them from their sins. God's son, Jesus was the rescuer that was sent here to earth to take on the sin of the world. He was the sacrifice needed to save us from eternal hell. He was crucified, died, buried, and rose again. He was the ultimate sacrifice.

   God works in our life to change us. He reaches down to earth and rescues us from ourselves. He opens our eyes to believe that the gospel is true. We are justified before God, we obtain Jesus' perfect righteousness. God does not see our sin anymore, he sees Jesus! We have just been adopted into the family of God. We are not orphans anymore.

   From the time we are justified to the time we die to go to heaven to be with Jesus forever, is called sanctification. Sanctification is the process of becoming more like Christ. Often, Christians think that God rescued us from sin and because God did this great thing, we now owe him and must DO for him. We have to make ourselves become more like Christ. We can ask him for help, but ultimately it is up to us. Well...I have tried to change myself, and I am no good at it. The bible says that God is the one that sanctifies us.

I do not set aside the grace of God, for if righteousness could be gained through the law, Christ died for nothing! Gal. 2:21

May God himself, the God of peace, sanctify you through and through. May your whole spirit, soul and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ. The one who calls you is faithful and he will do it. 1 Thess. 5:23-24

    God continues to mold us into his image. He wants us to be image bearers, to reflect Christ. God loves us and he cares deeply for us. Why would he adopt us into his family and then treat us like orphans again. Remember, when he sees us, he sees Jesus!
   This is such great news! God does not call us to do things for him, he calls us to rest in him and trust him. We do not have to feel pressure "to do the right christian thing," God will finish what he started and he loves us too much to keep us where we are. In the process of him working in our lives, he will give us Christ-like desires to spend time with him in his word, he will show us our sin and make us miserable, so we will trust him more. Then he will fill us up with his love and then this love will overflow into every area of our lives. This love will compel us to love "the least of these", the poor, the forgotten, the unlovable, the widow, the orphan...
   Once God starts to work in our lives, we will realize we are at war with the world. Our sinful nature still lives inside us,

 I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it. Romans 7:15-20

But, don't worry God has already won the battle!

"I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." John 16:33 

   The christian life is tough. We are aliens and strangers longing for a country of our own. We are in the world, but not of the world. How do you live in the world, but not of the world? By abiding in Christ. Trusting that his grace is enough. The person and work of Jesus in your life is all that is needed to live a Christ fulfilled life. Our own efforts leave us tired and exhausted. Go to God with your struggles and he will give you peace and joy in your weaknesses.

 Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light. Matthew 11:28-30

But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. 2 Corinth. 12:9

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.  Romans 15:13

   The gospel reality is that God in Christ makes dead men come alive by making them sons and by lavishing his love on them, he causes them to want to do their fathers will. All this is from God.

 Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Phil. 3:12

Elizabeth Turnage at Living Story wrote about sanctification in a recent post.

My friend Jane at Compelling Grace always has great insight about the gospel that helps me to grow in Christ. This one in particular is a must read about Grace and more Grace...