Calm My Anxious Heart

Waking up in the middle of the night has become a regular thing for me. Maybe it's because I am not going to bed at the same time every night because I am too busy "checking things off my to do list around the house" and my sleep patterns are all messed up... or maybe it's because I am anxious and worried about all the things on my plate. What ever the reason is...it is not fun to lay in bed tossing and turning trying to fall back asleep for two hours and then feeling like a truck ran over you when you wake up in the morning.

Last night when I woke up around 3:30 a.m. I decided I was tired of just rolling around thinking of all the things I need to do to get ready to travel to Uganda and worrying about all life's troubles with relationships and just the stress of life. So realizing I gave my Bible to someone a couple of months ago, not wanting to roll over and get my husband's bible, I decided I wanted to try out all the apps. I have been hearing about on our new iphones. I remembered someone telling me there is an app. for the Bible. So I downloaded the free ESV Bible. WOW! Is it neat!! I had no idea what all this iphone could do. I typed in ANXIETY and this is what I found. The Lord revealed these verses to me.

 It is in vain that you rise up early
   and go late to rest,
eating the bread of anxious toil;
   for he gives to his beloved sleep. 

Psalm 127:2

 

The Lord revealed this verse to me to show me how much of an idol I have made out of tasks and being productive while I run around in circles. The list never even comes close to being finished and I continue to be overwhelmed. I have been "eating the bread of anxious toil" The Lord is calling to me to rest in him, because he is the only one who can give me peace from my anxiety, "for he gives to his beloved sleep."

Toil is referring to the sin that so easily entangles us. I have been chasing after the wind. 

Then I came across another this verse under ANXIETY.

He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will abide in the shadow of the Almighty. Psalm 91

I have not been abiding...I have not been dwelling, I have made my own house and it is crumbling all around me.

After that I went back to Psalm 127 and read the verses surrounding it.

Psalm 127

Unless the LORD Builds the House

A Song ofAscents. Of Solomon.

 Unless the LORD builds the house,
   those who build it labor in vain.
Unless the LORD watches over the city,
   the watchman stays awake in vain.
It is in vain that you rise up early
   and go late to rest,
eating the bread of anxious toil;
   for he gives to his beloved sleep.  Behold, children are a heritage from the LORD,
    the fruit of the womb a reward.
Like arrows in the hand of a warrior
   are the children of one’s youth.
Blessed is the man
   who fills his quiver with them!
He shall not be put to shame
   when he speaks with his enemies in the gate.

Look at the title of the Psalm...Unless the Lord builds the House...very fitting

I am laboring in vain, I am staying awake in vain! Wow, Lord are you trying to tell me something?

Then it goes on to talk about our blessed we are to have children! I wonder why God talked about children after those verses? I guess he knew we would be anxious during these young childhood years. And obviously this is not uncommon I am experiencing this anxiety in this stage of life. Very common for our wayward hearts, but Oh...what a destructive road to go down. A road to misery that is all in vain.

Anxiety in a man's heart weighs him down, but a good word makes him glad. 

Proverbs 12:25

Well, I got out of bed this morning feeling like the truck had crushed me...but knowing God will deliver me from my anxious heart and wayward spirit  lifted my spirits! Also drinking a Coke Zero helped too. Ten minutes later I was ready for a morning of fun with four kids! Did I say four? Yes, the Riddle Boys came over to play this morning while their mommy attended some school meetings for the new year. They all played great together with only a few problems. I even got to clean and organize my kitchen while Mary Taylor played independently downstairs for a while! I am not sure if I am nesting or trying to take control of my life...probably both...but with a little less anxiety attached.

Spiderman Jonathan, Pirate Andrew, and Power Ranger Henry protecting us all from the forces of evil...

And they rescued Ballerina Diva Mary Taylor...

 

 "Aye Aye Matey", said Pirate Andrew

My friend Julie over at Flutterbugs makes super cute dresses to raise support for her adoption. Visit her to see these wonderful creations! Julie also wrote a great post that truly encouraged me about life with young kids and the toils of striving to do it on your own. You can read it here.

**I have not heard of any activity coming from the Judges regarding court orders yet, so things seem to be moving slow, but that is to be expected. Like many people say, TIA, "This is Africa".